I am curious, however...what would happen if we turned the magic off?
Anti-magic field.
Fascinating. It appears that you cease to be a mighty wizard and become a fragile pointy-eared monkey.
While I?
I am still a dragon.

-Black Dragon, Order of the Stick #627

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
-Samuel Johnson

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
-Marie Curie

Corry's Law: Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

Communism is like Spandex. Good idea, but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly from there.

Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle.
-Bucky, Get Fuzzy 8-15-07

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?


Fate is just what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over.
-Lois, Malcolm in the Middle

You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something.
-Richard Feynman

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.
-Brian W. Kernighan

Miko: A Paladin never compromises.
Roy: Does a paladin ever remove the stick from their ass?
Miko: No, it's a class feature.
-Roy & Miko, Order of the Stick

Love is an Epic-level challenge.
-Durkon, Order of the Stick

It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
-Hofstadter's Law

I'm surprised no one's used ceramic knives yet. Seems like it'd be easy to get those past security - it's almost as if the parties responsible for 9/11 have accomplished what they needed to accomplish and aren't even trying anymore.
-NineInchNader, Fark

You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists.
-Abbie Hoffman

Love is an illusion. To be more precise, it's like a Phantasmal Killer. First you roll your save if you believe in it, then to see if your heart gets ripped out.
-Ragnar69, ENWorld.org

I love a world where you can say "the peanut butter jelly banana" and everyone knows what you're talking about.
-johnnythan, Slashdot

Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do something and the time you tell a woman what you did.

I used to use ROT13 to protect my files until I found out how unsecure it is. Now I ROT13 twice, just to make sure.
-SirSlud, Slashdot

You call those cheap implants boobs? Those aren't boobs! They're lies!
-Stewie, Family Guy

We can't change the rules every time something explodes. If we did, the people with the bombs would win.
-Solo, Civil War: Front Line #3

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-John Ciardi

When you speak, you're just repeating what you already know. But when you listen, you may learn something new.

I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and I assume they deserve it.
-Dogbert, Dilbert

You're at the zoo, you have a popsicle, how can you be unhappy?
-Dewey, Malcolm in the Middle

Robin: All you care about is destruction!
Slade: And all you care about, you destroy.
-Teen Titans

Since the masses of the people are inconstant, full of unruly desires, passionate, and reckless of consequences, they must be filled with fears to keep them in order. The ancients did well, therefore, to invent gods, and the belief in punishment after death.

No dad, I haven't forgotten anything you've ever taught me. There aren't prescription drugs powerful enough to let me forget anything you've ever taught me.
-Bobby, Ghastly's Ghastly Comic

For your own safety, do not wave at them! They think our hands are sex organs! You may start something you don't want to finish!
-Otto, Malcolm in the Middle

Behold the noxious gas of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!
-Skeletor, Robot Chicken

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.
-Leela, Futurama

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
-Random robot, Futurama

I killed 15 of those buggers, sir. Now at home they'd hang me. Here they'll give me a fuckin' medal, sir.
-British soldier, Monty Python's Meaning of Life

Being lost is the best way to find some place new.

A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.
-Henry Ford

Our team had to invent a low-carb vaccine for polio before the other team... put an egg in a bucket.
-Drawn Together

Life is a test
But I confess
I like this mess I've made so far
-They Might Be Giants, Boss of Me

I saw a wino eating grapes. I said dude, you gotta wait!
-Mitch Hedberg

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.
-Mitch Hedberg

I said Ed, how do you abbreviate Arkansas? "I don't know, you just start spelling it and quit."
-Mitch Hedberg

I went to the store to get a candle holder but they didn't have any. So I got a cake.
-Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really pissed if she heard me say that.
-Mitch Hedberg